Surviving (and Thriving) During the Holidays When Your Spouse Is Deployed

When the Holidays Feel Different

Halloween has just passed, and for many of us that marks the start of the real holiday season—the whirlwind of gatherings, traditions, and emotions that carry us through the end of the year.

But if your spouse is deployed, that shift can feel less like excitement and more like a wave you’re bracing yourself to ride.

You probably already know this feeling: the empty seat at the table, the small traditions that hit harder this year, the mix of pride and ache that comes with doing it all yourself.

The holidays can magnify that loneliness. Everywhere you look, you see families taking pictures, couples shopping together, and movies full of cozy togetherness. But your reality looks—and feels—different.

Here’s what I want you to remember: You’re allowed to feel the grief and still find gratitude. You’re allowed to cry and still create joy. You’re allowed to miss them and still live fully.

Because thriving through the holidays doesn’t mean pretending you’re fine. It means choosing what peace looks like for you this season.

Step 1: Reimagine What “Together” Means

Physical distance doesn’t mean disconnection. You can still share moments that matter:

• Plan a shared countdown tradition. Light the same candle, open matching advent chocolates, or play a daily “message exchange” game.

• Set up a virtual date. Watch a holiday movie together while on FaceTime or send each other voice notes during the same scene.

• Build a care package. Include a small tree ornament, handwritten letters, and a piece of “home” they can hold onto.

• Document your holiday in real time. Create a photo folder you both add to—holiday meals, kids’ artwork, your workouts, even your coffee mug moments. It keeps connection alive in small, real ways.

Step 2: Prioritize Your Well-Being

You don’t need to “do it all” to make the holidays special. In fact, trying to fill every space with activity usually leads to burnout and guilt.

Instead, build small rituals that refill your cup:

• Morning calm. Before the day begins, take 5 minutes to stretch, breathe, or journal one thing you’re grateful for.

• Move your body. Even short workouts or walks help regulate mood, reduce stress, and remind you—you’re strong on your own.

• Eat enough. When emotions are high, nutrition can slip. Prioritize balanced meals to keep your energy and mood steady.

• Say no when needed. You don’t owe anyone an overextended version of yourself.

  
  

Thriving isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence.

Step 3: Create New Traditions That Feel Good Now

It’s okay if your old traditions don’t fit this year. Create new ones that meet you where you are:

• Decorate early, or skip it completely.

• Host a “Friendsmas” with other milspos or neighbors.

• Volunteer or sponsor a local family in need.

• Write letters of gratitude for each day of December.

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Small acts of joy become your anchors—reminding you that connection doesn’t disappear just because someone is far away.

Step 4: Build Your Support System

One of the most powerful things you can do during deployment season is let people in.

That might mean joining a spouse group, scheduling time with a coach, or even just admitting to a friend, “Hey, I’m struggling a bit today.”

There’s no weakness in asking for help—it’s strength in action. And you never have to go through this alone.

Step 5: Let Go of Guilt

Guilt has a sneaky way of showing up during deployment. You might feel guilty for enjoying yourself while your spouse is away—or guilty for not feeling festive enough.

But here’s the truth: your joy doesn’t diminish your love. Your laughter doesn’t erase their absence. And your self-care doesn’t make you selfish—it keeps you resilient.

You’re allowed to live fully while you wait for their return.

Bottom Line

This season might not look like the ones you’ve imagined. But that doesn’t mean it can’t hold meaning.

When you slow down, nourish yourself, and find connection in new ways, you’re not just surviving—you’re growing stronger in every sense.

And that strength? That’s the gift that carries you (and your family) through anything.

✨ Strong Through the Season Series ✨This is Part 1 of our special holiday series for military spouses. Stay tuned for more!

Want help staying balanced through the holidays? Book your Free Fitt Strategy Session and let’s build a plan that fits your life, energy, and goals—no matter where your partner is stationed.