Motherhood and Self Care: How to Stop Putting Yourself Last

FittCoaching
Mar 27
3 min read

If you're a mom, you’ve probably said things like:

"I’ll work out after the kids go to bed."

"I’ll eat later."

"I don’t have time for me right now."

Sound familiar?

You're not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong. In fact, biology, social norms, and even your nervous system are wired to prioritize caregiving. But here’s the problem: when you constantly push your own needs to the bottom of the list, your body and brain eventually push back—through fatigue, stress, burnout, and even illness.

Let’s explore the psychology and physiology behind why moms put themselves last, and how to finally break that pattern without guilt—using science-backed, compassion-driven strategies.

Why Moms Prioritize Everyone Else: The Science of Sacrifice

Caregiving isn’t just a choice—it’s built into your biology. When you care for a child, your brain floods with oxytocin (the “bonding hormone”), reinforcing connection and attunement.

The stress hormone, cortisol, can blunt this bonding hormone, meaning chronic stress—like juggling kids, home, and work—can actually decrease your ability to feel joy or motivation for yourself.

Add to that the cultural message that “good moms are selfless,” and you’ve got a perfect recipe for guilt every time you do take time for yourself.

But here’s the truth: you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Reframing the Guilt: You're Not Selfish, You're Smart

Guilt often shows up when you go against an internalized belief—like, “taking time for myself makes me a bad mom.” But beliefs are not truths. They are habits of thought. And like any habit, they can be changed.

Try this reframe: “Every time I care for myself, I model resilience, balance, and self-respect for my children.”

When you exercise, rest, eat well, or set boundaries—you’re not taking away from your family. You’re investing in your capacity to love and lead them well.

Motherhood and Self Care: Small Shifts that Lead to Big Changes

You don’t need a total life overhaul. Just a few mindset and routine tweaks can make a world of difference!

1. Use “Because I’m a Mom” as a Reason to Care for Yourself

Instead of “I don’t have time because I’m a mom,” say: “Because I’m a mom, I’m choosing to show up for my health.”

This small language shift helps your brain link self-care with identity—not opposition.

Schedule Yourself into Your Day
You put your kids’ dentist appointments and sports practices on the calendar. Start doing the same for your self care time!
- Block 20 minutes for movement
- Prep a nourishing snack ahead of time
- Set a reminder for 10 minutes of stillness or stretching
Protect it like you’d protect nap time or carpool. This tells your nervous system: “I matter too.”
Practice the 3-Point Check In Once a day, pause and ask:
- What do I need right now? (not want—need)
- What’s one tiny thing I can do for myself in the next 10 minutes?
- How will that help me show up better for others today?
This simple mindfulness habit rebuilds connection with yourself—a key part of fighting burnout.

What Happens in Your Body When You Put Yourself First

Let’s break down what just 20–30 minutes a day of self-care (movement, rest, or nutrition) does to your body:

Reduces cortisol and lowers systemic inflammation
Rebalances insulin, reducing sugar cravings and energy crashes
Improves heart rate variability (HRV)—a marker of nervous system resilience
Boosts BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor), supporting better mood and focus

In short: You feel calmer, stronger, more focused, and more “you.”

You're Worth it, and so is Your Family

Prioritizing yourself isn’t indulgent—it’s intelligent. It’s the exact opposite of neglect. Because when you feel good in your body, when your mind is clear, and when your cup is full, everyone around you benefits.

So the next time guilt whispers, “You don’t have time for this,” answer with truth: “This is exactly what I need to be the mom I want to be.”